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If You Only Buy One Book This Christmas

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So, I wrote a book. It’s available to buy right now as you’re reading this and it would be awfully remiss of me if I didn’t blog about my book in my own actual blog so, here it is.

 

It’s called The Four Thoughts That F*ck You Up (and how to fix them) and it’s a hopefully humorous and insightful (I leave that for you to decide) book about rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT).

 

REBT was invented in the mid 1950s by a psychotherapist called Albert Ellis. It’s actually considered to be the first form of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) to be developed. And it’s brilliant.

 

REBT is the form of CBT that I practice and promote. It follows the philosophy that it is not the events in life that disturb you, but what you tell yourself about those events that disturbs you. So if you are thinking, feeling and acting in ways that you don’t like, but don’t seem to be able to change, it’s not because of the thing, but down to what you tell yourself about the thing, change what it is that you tell yourself and you get to change how you think, feel and act.

 

Now, it’s not saying when stuff happens, that it doesn’t have an influence, because it does but, it’s only an influence. So, even in the face of something difficult, or challenging, or downright negative, you can still remain in control (or regain control if you think you’ve lost it) by looking at what you tell yourself in the face of that difficult, challenging or negative thing.

 

This means that nobody makes you angry, nothing makes you anxious, and nobody and nothing can drive you to drink, drugs, distraction, despair or doughnuts. It’s what you tell yourself about those things and people that does that.

 

REBT says that there is always a thing (or an activating event) and a reaction to that thing (a consequence) but, between the thing and the reaction there will be a specific thought process (known as a belief) that drive the reaction about the thing.

 

So, REBT is all about beliefs. My book is all about the four beliefs that REBT says lie at the heart of psychological disturbance (i.e., that f*ck you up) and the four healthy equivalents that can help keep you calm and rational. It also has a step-by-step guide to help you work on a specific problem

 

Someone recently asked me why I wrote it. That answer could be a whole blog in itself but, briefly, I’ve been in practice now for over 15 years and just for once, when I was finishing therapy with someone and they asked if there is any reading material I could suggest, I wanted to be able to say, “why yes, there is this very book right here.”

 

And now I can.

 

It’s available on Amazon and Waterstones and WHSmith, or directly from the Penguin Random House website and it’s available from all good online bookshops in your country, area and/or territory (so it’s not just available in the UK).

 

I am reliably informed that it is both “super-wise” and “warm and funny.” And it wasn’t my friends that said that. It would make for a good Christmas stocking filler, or last-minute Christmas gift idea. And for those of you looking a little further ahead, it would be a great way of coming up with and sticking to any one of a number of New Year’s resolutions.

 

If you haven’t bought it yet, I hope you consider buying a copy. If you have already bought one, I thank you for doing so. And, either way, I hope you will enjoy it, are enjoying it and/or have enjoyed it.

 

Personally, as much as I enjoyed writing it, I will never forget the thrill of standing in the WHSmith bookshop in Paddington station on the day of publication and seeing out on the shelves already.

 

All the feels.

 

 

 

Hypnotherapy: Why it is about the thing you think it isn’t actually about

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I’ve been in practise as a hypnotherapist since 2004. Over those years, I’ve lost count of the amount of articles I’ve read on the subject, written by journalists who all seem compelled, somehow, to kick start said article by saying, “You’d be forgiven for thinking that hypnosis is all about swinging pocket watches and pendulums but, it’s isn’t.” And, by doing so, perpetuating the idea that, somehow, hypnotherapy is, or was at some point, all about swinging pocket watches and pendulums. Again, and again, I’ve read the same stereotype being perpetuated, for over thirteen years. Enough, already!

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking, “Hang on a minute, but isn’t he starting his article off that way too? The hypocrite!” Well, yes. Yes, I am. But and the point really needs to be made, finally and for the last time, so that it need not ever be mentioned again: Hypnotherapy is not about being hypnotised by a hypnotherapist with either a swinging pocket watch or a pendulum. Except.

Except.

Except, it can be.

I have a pocket watch. A friend bought one for me as a present when I graduated from hypnotherapy college. And I have hypnotised someone with it, once, but only because they asked me to. I’ve also hypnotised someone with a sonic screwdriver. Not a real one mind, but one of those £10.00 plastic replicas. But, that’s only because A: I had one in my possession at the time and B: the person concerned was a Doctor Who fan and was absolutely over the moon when I waggled it in front of him.

The point of swinging pocket watches, or pendulums, or Doctor Who sonic screwdrivers, or anything waved rhythmically, side to side, in front of someone’s eyes, for that matter, is to tire those eyes; to make someone want to close their eyes, preferably with some relief. “Thank god they’ve stopped waving that bloody thing in front of me,” they mentally sigh.

This is known as inducing trance. It is the first stage of hypnosis. Once someone’s eyes have closed, once a trance has been induced, it can be deepened to the appropriate level. Once it has been deepened to the appropriate level, the therapy part can take place.

You can also induce a trance but having someone stare at the palm of your hand, or the back of their hand, or a spot on the wall, or by holding their arm in the air, or by listening to the sound of your voice, or to a specific sound around them and more. All to the same point: inducing trance, getting someone to close their eyes and begin to comfortably relax.

So, to journalists everywhere, I say this: You’ll be forgiven for thinking that hypnotherapy is all about swinging pocket watches and pendulums because it can be. And, now that you know that, you need not ever kick off an article about hypnotherapy that way again. Much to the relief of actual hypnotherapists everywhere.

Now, do not get me started on that old, “look into my eyes, not around the eyes, in the eyes you’re under” malarkey.

Mental Health is Normal

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I think one of the most surprising things about psychotherapy is that, despite the many, many strides in mental health awareness, more than a fair few people are still loathe to admit that they just might have mental health issues. But, guess what? Having a mental health issue is completely normal. Read more

Think of a Therapist as a Mechanic for your Mind

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Some people are a little put off by psychotherapy, and so approach it with caution, while others are too scared to go for therapy at all, even though they know they need it. There’s still a lot of stigma attached to mental health issues, but therapy need not be such a scary thing. As the self-development guru, Wayne Dyer, once famously said, “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Read more

Why You Need to Give up Your Demands

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In Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), the form of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) that I advocate, we say that your demands are at the root of your psychological disturbance. But, what is a demand exactly, and how does it disturb you?  Read more

Beating the Stigma of Mental Health

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Sadly, the term mental health carries a hefty negative connotation. One that is difficult to overcome. Many people don’t like mentioning they’ve seen a psychotherapist because they’re worried that people will think there’s something wrong with them. But, does the term need to be so fraught? Read more

Depression: Do You Even Have It?

A recent study found that many people are being wrongly diagnosed with depression and are being medicated when they don’t need to be (click here). Antidepressants are being handed out to people who are just going through a bad patch, or simply feeling a bit down in the dumps about something. In short, they’re being popped on pills whilst simply dealing with the realities of life. But, is depression ever normal and should it always be medicated? Read more

You Can Beat the Bullies

Bullying, especially its modern-day variant, cyber bullying, is sadly on the rise. And whilst adults can be vulnerable to it, it’s children and teenagers who are copping it the most. Facebook and Twitter are not the safe havens we’d like them to be and. sadly, incidents of bullying-related suicide rarely seem to be out of the papers. However, the psychological harm caused by bullying is preventable, if you know how. One such in-the-know woman was Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady and wife of the 32nd US President, Franklin D Roosevelt. She famously said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Want to learn how not to give that consent away? Then read on. Read more

Men Need Therapy Too!

Heartthrob actor and Twilight star, Robert Pattinson (or RPatz) has just popped up in the press saying he suffers from anxiety and struggles with his looks (click here). These days, the media focus as much attention on the naked male physique, as they do on the female form. And, so men are suffering from similar psychological problems, only they’re doing less about it. Read more

Depression: It’s not Always as Bad as it Sounds

According to research, up to one in five people in Britain are affected by depression at some point in their lives and the use of anti-depressants has reached an all-time high. The word itself has become frightening, even depressing in itself. However, there are many types of depression, including reactive depression, the treatment of which does not necessarily require medication. Read more